Updated: Jun 9, 2021
Family reunions are the worst. I think everyone can agree to some degree that family reunions suck. No, I’m not talking about the small family gatherings with your grandparents, aunts, and uncles. I’m talking about those full blown, fancy restaurants, dinner, people you’ve never met questioning you about your life choices, kind of family reunion. I mean, who really wants to go to those anyway? It's like one big interrogation. And tonight I would get to experience this horror in my own life, at my distant cousin's wedding. Yup, you heard that right! Distant cousin, which means instead of not knowing about a fourth of the people. I won’t know four-fifths of the people! Anyway, it started out as normal as an awkward family event can go until dinner came around. Everything was all fine and dandy, until my other cousin stood up and asked if anyone would like to say a few words. And my brother had the audacity to put my hand in the air. Suddenly, everyone was staring at me waiting for me to speak. Obviously I had nothing to say since I barely knew the bride in the first place. So of course I launched into this story of when we were little and she would steal my ice cream when we would go to the parlor. Halfway through my story I realized I had no idea where I was going with this, and decided it would be a better idea to somehow connect her stealing my ice cream to their marriage. How, you may ask? I had no clue. I launched into this weird rant about how her always stealing my ice cream shows her dedication, and how I know she will be dedicated to this marriage. At this point I gave up, so I just kind of laughed, said “The End.” and sat down. It was not my best moment, but everyone got a kick out of it. Yet, SOMEHOW everyone in my family decided that from that day forward they would ask ME to speak at their events. So now I’m the family comedic relief. What’s new?