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The Night The Duck Spiked The Punch

I’m not cute. I’m not adorable or cuddly. So don’t ever refer to me as such, got it? I am and strive to be a menace to society. We ducks have an awful reputation, we are seen as fluffy yellow little balls of joy. But we are so much worse, while you humans have been feeding us bread and watching us swim, we’ve been creating an army! The bread has sustained our duck fighting squad and some of us have even infiltrated classrooms as “science projects” to watch us hatch. You may think you had the high ground human, but oh were you wrong. We’ve been in charge this whole time. And tonight is the final step to our plan that has been years in the making. Tonight, we sabotage the government.

Yeah, you heard me right. The White House is having a New Years Gala and we are going to strike when they are most vulnerable. I’m currently hiding out in this women’s humongous hat while my comrades hide in purses, shoes, or just under big jackets and dresses. Eventually, we make it through the line and I watch anxiously as my fellow ducks sneak in one by one. So far so good. When it is my turn I make it in easily, this lady’s hat feathers easily disguise my tiny body amongst them. Once everyone is in we all carefully leave our hiding places and begin our individual tasks. Rupert begins his disabling of the security cameras, Martha tracks down the president and steals his ID, while I have the most important job of all. I pull out a tiny vial from under my wing and when no one is looking dump it into the punch bowl. Once my job is done I hide under the table for a while waiting for the liquid effect to take hold. I can tell my job is done when I hear bodies begin to fall to the floor and the sound of rope as my comrades restrain the unconscious humans. I reveal myself from the hiding spot as Rupert seals the building. Martha looks to me as I begin my climb to the top of the table. I look at the clock and when it strikes midnight I turn to the now awake crowd of humans and declare, “Let the year of the duck! Begin!”

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